WHOSE TO BLAME? RELIVING THE BREAK UP

Tina tries to comfort Sarah, while Sarah sobs heavily at Tina's home, "What a jerk! I can't believe he did that to you."

Sarah: "I just don't get it. He is not the man I thought he was. I remember in the beginning of our relationship how things were, how connected we felt to one another. Nobody could tell me that we wouldn't last. I thought he was the perfect man for me."

Tina: "Well, girl, let me tell ya, he certainly had me fooled because I thought you two were the perfect match too."

Sarah: "Why does this always happen to me? I did everything he asked me to do and more! I've always been there for him even when nobody else believed in him!"

Tina: "It just goes to show that all the good men are either married or gay and we get left with the dogs."

Sarah: "Girl, who you tellin? Here I am, trying to do better for myself but it seems that I keep on attracting the same kind of man. I am so tired of this! I just want a good man who can love me for who I am and accepts me for the women I aspire to become. I've never had a man that supported me in my dreams. it's always me supporting him. When do i get my turn at happiness? Most of my friends are married already." she sobs some more....

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Does the above sound even remotely familiar? Many of us meet people, become infatuated with ideas and agendas which are mostly hidden and call it love. When we first meet people we often drift along life on Cloud 9, ignoring all the signs of incompatibility that life shows us because hey, we just KNOW we can make this thing work. After all, he/she is the finest thing you have ever seen! What are we doing to ourselves? What is really going on here when we compromise our standards to execute our self-driven agendas? So yeah, you got some similar interests, you've done some of the same things, you share some of the same beliefs, and have some of the same dreams. Now you equate this as "we both want the same things in life". Is this really so? Maybe or maybe not. What you are not thinking about is the fact that everyone has their own ideals as to how to implement their beliefs which have been mostly shaped by external influences such as mom and dad, your siblings, your friends, and your society (there are several societies within the Matrix) that you fit in. The other thing you must consider is that not everyone is going to be honest about their agendas and how they feel they need to go about finding or creating the perfect mate. See, if your mate was so "perfect" you would just accept him/her for whom they are and not try to influence them or get them to change. Now, perhaps they do have 6 or 7 of the character and qualities that you wrote down on your "mate wish list" but let's be honest here, somewhere along the line, during the experience, you gave in to something.

That "something" that you gave into was your lower self which believes that you will only receive happiness in one or two ways: (1) by giving him/her what she wants; (2) by getting what you want. You are either looking to be taken care of or looking to take care of the other so that you can have a certain amount of control, if not all, within the relationship.

Early Signs of Incompatibility.

Lack of Trust: He/she doesn't trust you because of their past experiences. In this case, here you have all of these wounded people who want you to prove yourself because they basically have not taken the time to connect to their higher selves so that they can learn how to trust themselves to make the right decisions. Even though they say they don't trust people what they are really saying is that they don't know when or when not to trust people because they are not aware of the greater connection they have with life, which communicates to you through feeling, or the Enteric Nervous System (known as the second brain, located in the lining of the gut and connected with Intuition). Everything communicates through vibrational frequencies known as feelings and/or e-motions. When a trust issue arises and you are faced with making the decision and you feel uncomfortable, your higher self is letting you know you need to work this out and this is your chance to overcome this discomfort by accepting WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO EXPERIENCE at that time in your life. Sometimes we choose things because we believe there are no other options or we are too afraid to commit just to avoid making alleged "wrong decisions" and suffering a blow to the ego (i.e. what will my friends/family think about me? I should know better by now). Contrary to popular belief, maturity is NOT based on age, but on one's ability to understand life lessons enough to change one's perspective and act with wisdom. Sometimes one may have to go through the lesson a few times until they are ready to graduate to the next evolutionary stage of consciousness.

So why is Trust an early sign of incompatibility? If one person has already gotten the lesson and is comfortable with their decision making process, it can cause friction or frustration because the couple will never truly be in harmony. One person is left to make all the decisions which means they are the proactive force within the relationship. If both individuals are dealing with trust issues, well then you are headed for disaster and drama city. Somebody will always be paranoid and sleep with one eye open. In doing this, both or neither truly give all of their love.

Unspoken Agendas

Our body of thoughts form patterns which structure our belief systems. The Mental Body, a subtle body which extends just beyond your emotional body, houses these thoughts. For everything you believe you have no control over, illusory bodies or structures of thought form geometric bubbles, so to say, around your physical body. These illusory bodies determine the cycle of your experiences. In other words, what you draw to you, based on the law of attraction and the energies that emit from the earth which is channeled directly into your body to give you what you need.

Let me put this into practical terms for you. You meet a man/woman that you think is the finest thing on the planet and boy oh boy if you could just convince them to be a part of your life, you will live happily ever after. It will be you two against the world if it has to go down that way. The man, a successful entrepreneur, promises you the world. The woman, a strong creative force with vision, promises "traditional" support. Sounds simple, easy, and cool, right? WRONG! The man, has major issues, first he is very set in his ways, he is also an abuser, a charming smooth talker, and an egomaniac. The woman, is very set in her ways, has low self-esteem, is a people pleaser, and tired of running into dead ends. Now this scenario can be switched around - gender is no factor here. Both see the issues within the other, but they want what they want. The man wants a woman to help him maintain his business and raise his children at home and be the King of his castle. The woman wants to be financially stable and she wants to be married and raise her children but wants her voice to be heard. Still sound normal? It probably is, but the point I am making here is that things aren't going to go so smoothly because one is going to try to convince the other to go along with their agenda. One has to give in or get out and guess wha? Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. People will stay in an incompatible relationship for many reasons, finances being the major one whether it is to avoid alimony, child support, or working a job. Other reasons stem from people not wanting to be alone or thinking their biological clock is ticking and they will never find another mate at their age. They may also be worried about what others may think about them.

Bringing the illusory body together with my example: if a person believes they have to accept drama in order to be in a relationship because "there is always going to be something you have to deal with" then this is exactly what they will experience. It's just like the Illusion of poverty - some people believe they have to struggle or survive just to live their lives and so they continue to re-live a life of poverty, over and over and over again.

Three Sides To The Story

When children are born into this world they do not just receive the physical traits of both of their parents, but they also receive the energetic traits that are impressed upon them during conception and their time in the womb. How can this be? You are a multi-dimensional being made up of light or energy. Every part of your being emits and receives energy from every living thing in its environment. Energy comes into your organic vessel or body through the nadis or meridians that meet at specific locations or points in the body which is distributed and expressed through ones emotions. What were you going through in your life when you conceived your child? What were your parents going through? Try this, get a pen and pad and have a talk with both of your parents, if you can, and ask them if they remember what they were going through. Look at the cycles, the patterns, the events, the mind set, the characteristics of both and you will see your reflection. You chose these people for a reason. An agreement was made that they would usher you into this world so that you could receive your life lessons and whatever was unresolved is supposed to get resolved so that you can grow on with your life.

So now that you understand the energy components that make up and effect your experiences and you should be able to see what you need to do to advance to the next level of your life. Don't hold on to grudges and blame the other person for the drama in your life. You have your issues and so does the other person and this creates a new energy between the both of you that if not developed, first internally, then externally through the relationship, will die off. There is your side, then the other person's side, then what is REALLY going on, on an vibrational level.

So who is to blame? There is no such thing as blame since you both made a conscious decision and effort to have a relationship together for a time. You wanted to experience life with that person and vice versa. You merged through sexual relations and created a unique experience that is like no other. If your break up is fresh, you will have a hard accepting responsibility for your decision. If it has been some time, this is the moment to take to look at what you have been holding on to and what you need to transition out of. I know sometimes this very process can be scary because you have to be honest with yourself about your secret feelings and hidden personal beliefs, you know the things you don't like to talk about to other people. If you are a parent, the more you take time to heal, the more you break the vibrational cycle. When you evolve, you end up giving your children energetic boosts of self progression and what could be more priceless?

At this point and time in your life, you must understand that you must make up, and I do literally mean "make-up" your mind just like you would a story or a song. Make up your mind as to what you want to experience in life, develop your energy wellness enough to maintain the vibrational harmony of that which you seek and unto you will come the riches of life - the things not found in fairy tales, but oh so true.

© copyright 2008 Eternalkween LLC